It's been a while, I apologize for slipping off the globe for a while. I have so much to catch up on.
We were side swiped a week ago by a little thing called life.
I went it to have a hernia repaired for the second time, and while I was recovering we received a call that my oldest child and only son was having trouble walking, standing, sitting, etc. It's been a really rough week.
He was released from the hospital yesterday afternoon, but still has months of recovery to go. The doctors have said he has a virus induced kind of Ataxia. This means he has lost most of his muscle control making it hard for him to do anything on his own requiring muscle coordination from walking to talking.
It's been a pretty devastating week in someways and so uplifting in others, we've never felt the Grace and peace of God as I have this week, seen His hand in all of the healing that is taking place in Jonah, and seen his people move as Christ would have. Supporting us and praying for us like I've never experienced.
It will likely take him a few months to fully recover from the Ataxia. There are no medications or treatments that will cure this, only time and some physical therapy. And of course prayer!!!!
Other than that I apologize for seeming to be so irresponsible in responding to emails and getting those samples mailed off! I am so excited about getting our name out, but obviously some things come first! Thanks in advance for your understanding!
I also have a flip video review to post and one for Fuzzibuns as well...both I can't wait to get to! Those will be coming in the next few weeks or so.
for more posts on Jonah you can visit: http://hawaiianheldts.xanga.com/weblog
Monday, July 13, 2009
Broken, battered and bruised
The only thing that comes after the pain and the heartache is the healing.
My heart is in pain, my stomach, my spirit is in pain, my emotions, my psyche, my physical self. I ache all over. I can barely move myself around the house. Yes we are home.
Since yesterday at 2:30pm Jonah started keeping food down and making remarkable improvements, and with his healing, my wounds are open and layed bare waiting for the scabs and scars to start forming.
I have been a physical and emotional mess since yesterday. I can hold it together for short periods of time until the tornado of emotions flare up. I vacillate on a teeter-totter or joy and sorrow. I have boughts from a few tears to outright sob ,uncontrollable outpouring of the bottled up emotions that have been hiding deep within this last week. This is one roller coaster I hope God destroys.
I can't even describe to you the utter feeling of helplessness that accompanies a call that your son can't walk, to be in your own state of emergency and no be able to run to your child's side where he needs you. To hear him calling your name in confusing and fear and not be able to get to him. It was horrible. Then to walk into the the hospital room and see your vibrant, talkative, energetic, bright boy reduced to almost nothing of what he was like just a few days prior. I felt instantly like I had lost him. I had lost him. Though he was here in body and he was alive, he was not my little Jonah. His eyes flashed and the corners of his mouth curved up when he saw me and I KNEW he was as excited as I was to be in his presence. But my neck missed his little arms wrapped around me, the whisper of an I love you in my ear. The unknown as huge as a gaping ugly hole between us. To put it mildly I was devastated.
I couldn't even enjoy his little smile, the way his eyes curved under those huge brown jewels, the way his cheeks piled up to form little apples and his chin pointed down in mystery. It was gone. No laugh, no joy as his name suggests.
And in the same wordlessness I have for describing those feelings are also the feelings of utter peace and grace bestowed upon us by our Creator. It is truly indescribable. It does indeed surpass all understanding, it was the only thing what was holding me up. Literally allowing enough strength to survive the day, the doctors rambling, the vomiting, the pain, all of it. I pray now for that same peace to continue to cloak us and guard our hearts, we need it so badly.
Some of the sobbing today is from utter relief, though our ordeal is far from over, we are on the upswing. It is so hard to hear Jonah speak so slowly and labored when he used to talk a mile a minute! My heart aches for all the time I asked him to stop talking or got irritated at the endless questions he would ask. I watch him so proudly sit up on his own for a few seconds before falling back, and my heart aches for the times I wised he would sit still and not run around like a monkey. All the things that I've done and said without thinking, without regard to the blessing my kids are to me, taking them for granted fully. I have. For the times I wished I could have a break, take a vacation. For the times I've been so irritated by their antics. I've cried, I've begged God to not let me forget this experience in light of that. To take all these moments and cherish them, even the most simple ones. I so easily could have been robbed of all that.
What is really important in this life is before me in these little blessings. The other sobs came from overwhelming joy that Jonah was healing, that he is getting better everyday, that God hears and answers our prayers to make his little body better. So many parents don't come home with their child, as we did. Even though life will be different for a while and we have lots of adjustments to make, he is here, and he is still the vibrant gift of God given to us almost 5 years ago, even if he moves and speaks a bit slower for a while.
Now this mess of a Mom needs to go crawl in bed.
for more posts on Jonah please visit: http://hawaiianheldts.xanga.com/weblog
My heart is in pain, my stomach, my spirit is in pain, my emotions, my psyche, my physical self. I ache all over. I can barely move myself around the house. Yes we are home.
Since yesterday at 2:30pm Jonah started keeping food down and making remarkable improvements, and with his healing, my wounds are open and layed bare waiting for the scabs and scars to start forming.
I have been a physical and emotional mess since yesterday. I can hold it together for short periods of time until the tornado of emotions flare up. I vacillate on a teeter-totter or joy and sorrow. I have boughts from a few tears to outright sob ,uncontrollable outpouring of the bottled up emotions that have been hiding deep within this last week. This is one roller coaster I hope God destroys.
I can't even describe to you the utter feeling of helplessness that accompanies a call that your son can't walk, to be in your own state of emergency and no be able to run to your child's side where he needs you. To hear him calling your name in confusing and fear and not be able to get to him. It was horrible. Then to walk into the the hospital room and see your vibrant, talkative, energetic, bright boy reduced to almost nothing of what he was like just a few days prior. I felt instantly like I had lost him. I had lost him. Though he was here in body and he was alive, he was not my little Jonah. His eyes flashed and the corners of his mouth curved up when he saw me and I KNEW he was as excited as I was to be in his presence. But my neck missed his little arms wrapped around me, the whisper of an I love you in my ear. The unknown as huge as a gaping ugly hole between us. To put it mildly I was devastated.
I couldn't even enjoy his little smile, the way his eyes curved under those huge brown jewels, the way his cheeks piled up to form little apples and his chin pointed down in mystery. It was gone. No laugh, no joy as his name suggests.
And in the same wordlessness I have for describing those feelings are also the feelings of utter peace and grace bestowed upon us by our Creator. It is truly indescribable. It does indeed surpass all understanding, it was the only thing what was holding me up. Literally allowing enough strength to survive the day, the doctors rambling, the vomiting, the pain, all of it. I pray now for that same peace to continue to cloak us and guard our hearts, we need it so badly.
Some of the sobbing today is from utter relief, though our ordeal is far from over, we are on the upswing. It is so hard to hear Jonah speak so slowly and labored when he used to talk a mile a minute! My heart aches for all the time I asked him to stop talking or got irritated at the endless questions he would ask. I watch him so proudly sit up on his own for a few seconds before falling back, and my heart aches for the times I wised he would sit still and not run around like a monkey. All the things that I've done and said without thinking, without regard to the blessing my kids are to me, taking them for granted fully. I have. For the times I wished I could have a break, take a vacation. For the times I've been so irritated by their antics. I've cried, I've begged God to not let me forget this experience in light of that. To take all these moments and cherish them, even the most simple ones. I so easily could have been robbed of all that.
What is really important in this life is before me in these little blessings. The other sobs came from overwhelming joy that Jonah was healing, that he is getting better everyday, that God hears and answers our prayers to make his little body better. So many parents don't come home with their child, as we did. Even though life will be different for a while and we have lots of adjustments to make, he is here, and he is still the vibrant gift of God given to us almost 5 years ago, even if he moves and speaks a bit slower for a while.
Now this mess of a Mom needs to go crawl in bed.
for more posts on Jonah please visit: http://hawaiianheldts.xanga.com/weblog
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Urgent prayer request for Jonah
My surgery went really well, tahe Dr. found a hernia the size of an egg, probably from the original mesh put in pulling and creating another weak area in my abdomen. It was suppossed to be an outpatient proceedure but when I stood up to go home my blood pressure dropped to 80 and I turned white as a sheet and nearly vomited and fainted all at the same time. A short while later I was admitted. My ab muscles started contracting violently leaving me in a lot of pain. But the Lord blessed me with a wonderful Nurse that found a combination of meds that took most of the pain away. Tuesday morning we recieved a call from my Mom that Jonah was having trouble standing on his own. My Mom immediately went and picked him up and took him the the ER where I was. The quickly admited him for ataxia and transferred him to the children's hospital here on Oahu. He had a CAT scan and that showed no brain swelling, then yesterday evening he had a MRI. He still has no control when standing or sitting so he is spending most of his days and nights laying down sleeping. He is having trouble keeping food down, that is our goal for today. The doctor thinks this all may be caused by a virus that has infected his brain somehow, thus effecting his balance. He also had a spinal tap and they are growing cultures to see if they can identify the virus attacking him. The bottom line is the DR's really don't know what is going on with him. The praise in all of this is our reliance on God is 100%, we can do nothing but wait, pray and watch God's will unfold for this situation. It is so frightening to see your child attatched to monitors and wires and in so much discomfort he can barely smile at you. I've been told a million times to go home and rest but by his side is where I belong. Dave and I are here constantly, my parents have the girls, our church has also rallied around us showering us with prayer and help! It's so amazing to see God's power and his people support is in so many ways! Ihaven't seen my girls since Monday morning and my parents are bringing them here for us and Jonah to visit with today. I am so anxious to see them!Keep us in your prayers. We are suppossed to leave for FL on Tuesday, we have no idea where those plans will end up, pray for DR's wisdom, pray for peace and healing for Jonah, pray!
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