I don't know!!!!
But I tell you I am fighting this insane urge to just break out of the Mommy mold. Every once in a while I get this itch....this urge just to change things up a bit. Maybe it's the routine of doing the same ole thing around here. Maybe it's New Year's approaching .....
Somewhere though deep deep down, I feel like I've lost the artistic crazy side of me and settled for the one that just keeps plugging away at laundry and toilets. And I'm getting pretty tired of it. There hasn't been a whole lot of creativity in my life these days. More accurately since Jonah was born the creative happenings have been becoming less frequent.
There used to be periods where I was so engrossed in a project it would take up every spare moment and much of the night. That just doesn't happen any more.I dont' have the energy or motivation to get everything out, make a mess, play with ideas. My photography has been reduced to snapshots, which I really hate. I just don't have the time or energy for that anymore either.
But I want to get that back.
I suppose having 3 small kids 5 and under and having another one on the way may have something to do with it. I just miss me. The artistic, creative me.
I even feel like my house is lacking in the true me. Everything is under decorated and so not me. I mean the me I see myself as if that makes sense. I am so tired of the brown on brown in the livingroom. And the granny curtains in the kitchen. So I'm thinking 'Apple Valley' and 'Del Sol' might whip me out of the neutral doldrums. That would be Green and Orange in layman terms. I've been pretty attracted to orange lately. Don't know why but it's going on the wall. As well as some fun bright (not neon) green. I just need a change and paint happens to be free....and it just so happens we've got a little staycay coming up. .....Now I just need to hunt down some bright coordinating fabrics to do the trick for curtains and pillows. Oh how i miss Joanns already.
I've been doing a little reading on Raw Food diets lately. I am very intreged. So much so I am sending Dave to Costco today to get me some frozen fruit and baby spinach. Maybe it's the pregnancy but a green smoothie sounds really really good. And I love fruits and veggies so why not try and eat a little greener? I already know Dave would never give up his steak (and I don't know if I would either really) but......I would really like to take care of myself better than I have. So I am trying something new. Just for the fun of it....and because it's green. No I mean really green. I'm not declaring anything here....more like rambling......
And Yoga (which I know if controversial in some christian circles) but I was up at 5am this morning....dreaming of green smoothies.....and sore and stiff and generally feeling pretty old in my early 30's. So I turned on FitTV and did some Yoga. I feel amazing! I didn't say I LOOKED amazing while doing Yoga, it was pretty hilarious actually. And at one point I had Gracia laying underneath me while I was attempting downward dog....and in my lap in every other pose (though her weight helps in the stretch let me tell you!). But my back feels amazing and it was only 20 minutes worth. I've been contemplateing taking some me time before the kids wake up in the morning. Going for a walk or jog. It's really the only me time I get to be alone and I've been itching to just do that lately. I'd have to get up early (for me) to fit in devotions and a walk, but it is something that actually seems appealing to me lately.
Who knows, it could be the pregnancy hormones!
I hope all this green obssesion doesn't mean I'm having a hermaphidite.