NO rainbows

Have you ever felt like running down the street and just hiding somewhere, anywhere. Where no one can find you!? I get it FRED, I totally get it!

I just told Jonah to get a number, stand in line because there is too much going on and only one of me.

That is exactly how I've felt these last 2 weeks. Trying to manage 6 kids schedules is wearing on me and I'm not even in the full swing of school yet. I've got two precious trouble making babies that are interested in everything they shouldn't be. garbage cans, toilet paper, the dog's bowl.....a toddler who still needs to sit on her Momma's lap and be babied, a public school schedule to think about and plan around and 2 older kids who need a sane teacher!.

From where i'm standing, I can't see the rainbow yet,

With us moving to the house, we have seen people come and go, move from one room to the next, rearranging and then rearranging again. And we aren't really even moved in, no really, you should see the attic. Not to mention when you shuffle people, it creates chaos. So what was once organized and neat explodes, and then you find other things that have no "home" and just linger on shelves.

These last 2 weeks I've made a bigger effort to get the kids back into their routine and chores, and keep caught up with laundry and cleaning. And I'm exhausted. I .just.am. And although the laundry is actually kept up, the areas we clean become strewn with mess literally 5 minutes after we clean it. I think the people around me think I'm lying when I say, "No really I cleaned and straightened all day." My kids make me look as if i do nothing all day. 12 people and 1 house wife is entirely too much to keep things neat. It's not a good equation.Sometimes I think doing all this good for other people isn't doing any good for this person and my family.

When I scheduled out our day, I left myself an hour block of time for me, I dreamed of setting up my sewing machine, reading a book, you know those relaxing activities a busy Mom longs for. I didn't consider the time it would take to pick Bella up, or how that would alter my activities during the day, or how fair that would be to Bella to have to come here and have quiet time right away.....

From here I see no rainbows, only rain...

going from poopy diaper to poopy diaper, mess to mess to meal to meal. I'm just spent. And I'm sure I'll get into the groove of things, get used to the chaos and the new schedule. But right now, in this very moment.....just call me Fred, or George, Bob anything but Mom.

I know there has to be a rainbow in there somewhere.

The other day Gracia and I were watering the garden, I tried to point out a rainbow to her. You know the kind, water spraying, pretty rainbows. She kept running around me back and forth looking....looking for that rainbow. It wasn't until I bent down to her little petite height that I realized she needed to see from above, because from above you can see the rainbows. I lifted her up, her eyes grew big, that huge smile of hers pushing her freckles up.

She could see the rainbows, from below she could only see the storm and the pouring of water from the hose. Her sight was limited, but when she looked from above, she could clearly see....the rainbows.

They are there, I just can't see them from where I am standing.