{Keeping it Real}

Let me just say, I know why people don't homeschool. I know why they send their kids off to school and relish in that quiet time, their time of choice. And let me say their homes had better be spotless! Dishes always done and laundry caught up!

And even though I wouldn't give up what we are doing now, I'll be real. I am struggling! Struggling to keep up with the house, the schooling, life in general. Last week I was in total meltdown mode. I don't even know how many days I actually schooled the kids! It doesn't help that I am a total self proclaimed perfectionist. Even though the kids and Dave never complain about the house or laundry (that is until they are out of undies!!) I feel the pressure on myself to have everything perfect and in it's proper place.....an impossible task with 3 kids 5 and under! It also doesn't help that I hate laziness with a passion. Hate it. My hands cannot sit idle. You will almost always find me doing at least 2 things at once (sometimes more!!) I get bored easily and when I am bored or idle.....I feel lazy! Which means in essence relaxing is almost impossible. The times Dave takes the kid and leaves me to "relax" in a quiet home, he comes home to a clean house or reorganized watchamacallit.

And what does this mean for me? It means that I am constantly behind, never good enough, never content with the state of things around the house, always pushing myself beyond what is not only expected but healthy! It's not good! I know laziness is bad, but isn't the opposite also bad? Overworking yourself? Overwhelming yourself? It certainly is not pretty when it starts to affect my attitude.

I really sincerely pray that God can show me a middle ground. A time or space where my mind is not constantly thinking about the next thing I can conquer or perfect. That is where I ended up last week. I just couldn't bring myself to do much of anything besides the basics. No cleaning, no laundry. Just cooking and taking care of the kids and doing the basics. I felt like my body was begging me to just be still. I can't explain it in physical terms, it's just how I felt emotionally as well as physically.

So I started off today a little more motivated to at least get to the schooling...until my midwife made an unannounced visit! (that is one of those moments it was nice to have cleaned the downstairs, just don't peek at the pile of kids stuff in the hallway upstairs!) But after Miriam left it was lunch and then clean up and then off to Ballet and a stop at Target (turned very long and near disasterous)....I suppose it's up to tomorrow to get back into the swing of things. There is always tomorrow right?