The Struggle to be weak

This week has been a struggle in so many ways. Some big heavy ugly struggles, some minor life irritants. Life right at this moment seems to be pounding out a beat I can't quiet dance to, or run to. The rhythm is off and sporadic and more spontaneous than I can handle.

I'm struggling to keep the house in an order other than chaos. The laundry, cleaning, cooking.....

Struggling with loving my kids unconditionally as the need for discipline arises again and again for the same offenses....

Struggling to hear God's voice in the chaos, to understand this season of life, to feel close to Him......

Struggling in having to care for 9 people.....

Struggling to live up to my own standards and those around me (don't know which is harder at times).....

Struggling to keep my  time and life organized, to keep on a routine and schedule.....and struggling with the thought of having to have a schedule!

Struggling with not being able to think out one complete sentence or thought, to be constantly interrupted in the simplest of tasks.....

Struggling with the things that are left undone,  the boxes still stashed around the house from trying to move in, Christmas decorations still up (yup you read that right).....

Struggling with not having any time to do anything creative or relaxing......

Struggling with watching the days slip by and pile themselves into one meaningless lump......

Struggling with knowing how to point my kids directly towards Jesus and faith and genuine relationship with the Creator......

And I struggle with doing a lot of this alone.

I poured all this out to God this week. As silly and meaningless as this list is to most, this week it was my struggle to just get through to the next step, the next thing, the next task. I know far too well the pain others are going through in different seasons of life, I know far too well that my struggles are so so minor compared to others.

Regardless......God still wants to hear them. He still wants to comfort me.

Ephesians 3:12 "In Him and through faith in Him we may approach God with freedom and confidence."

We can lay down all our worries and struggles and know He is there listening, what an awesome privilege! This powerful ruler, creator, is waiting to hear from us, on the darkest of days, we can be in His presence. Instantly! And when we are at our weakest point, that is when His power is most effective. When I come to the realization that loving my children or my husband, having the energy to cook and clean, having a good attitude in the midst of chaos, is too much for me to bare alone, it's then I realize I can rely on Christ and Christ alone. 

2 Corinthians 12: 9-10 "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

In weakness I am building a foundation on Christ, letting go, giving Him the control. And in the letting go, the opening of those tightly gripped fearful fingers, I affirm His strength and power in situations I cannot control. 

Because when I am in control, I don't need God. I don't need His power or divinity in my life, I got it, I can handle it, I can do God's work on my own.....but it's when I allow God's power to truly fill me, to be active and dynamic in my life~I'm stronger than I ever could be on my own. I can rest in Him knowing His power is stronger and more efficient than I will ever be.

It's just a matter of pouring out my heart and letting Him know I need Him......moment by moment.